


Ghosts of the Past

by HvitRavn



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Bromance, M/M, Post-Battle of Five Armies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-28
Updated: 2014-12-28
Packaged: 2018-03-04 00:46:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2903138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HvitRavn/pseuds/HvitRavn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Battle of the Five Armies ended. Those who survived have to deal with its ghosts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ghosts of the Past

Nothing was visible in the chaos. Blurred shadows and long streaks of red and black, when shiny steel cut the air with a swish. But the worst was the noise. Voices mixed with each other and it was difficult to recognise the words, if there were any. Suddenly, one of the shadow detached from the black wall, flames reflected with red on the sharp edge…

*  
Fili rose quickly, automatically reaching for his short knife, hidden under the pillow. He froze, realising that it was only a nightmare and he was deep underground, surrounded by the walls made out of green marble. Safe from the terror of the recent battle. His short and shallow breath was disturbing the silence of his chambers. He felt how sweat running down on his skin, making him shiver.

“Fili?”, he heard a quiet voice to his left.

He turned his head to meet a sad gaze of his brother, who stood unsteadily in the doorway to his bedroom. He was wearing loose night tunic reavealing his chest. The fabric was marked by sweat, Fili could see it even in the darkness. The brunet slowly walked inside, dragging his bare feet on the floor.

“I can see that I’m not the only one who can’t sleep tonight”, the blond whispered, hiding the knife and rubbing his face with his hands. “Are you okay, Kili?”

When Kili came closer, he could see how pale his brother’s was and how dark are circles under his eyes and how they were contrasting with the rest of his face. His dark eyes, usually filled with joy and spark of mischief, now seemed to be empty and scared. Kili was avoiding his gaze, as if afraid that Fili would see right through him.

Fili knew the feeling. Maybe he played confident, overjoyed at their victory and reclaiming Erebor. It was what everyone expected from him. The prince wasn’t allowed to show any weakness. Not now, not when everything depended on it. Neither Fili or Kili, could let down Thorin.

However, deep down Fili was hiding the wounds left by the Battle of the Five Armies; doubt, shock and the nightmares, which night was bringing. The nightmares were the worst, filling heart with constant fear. Fear of darkness and silence of dark chambers, and what it would bring with this black curtain when he finally became too tired and fell asleep.

Restless dreams filled with imagines of battle, so real that Fili felt like he was fighting for life every night, seeing his fallen friends and hurting as he watched their pain. He wasn’t afraid of the ghosts of fallen enemies. The armies of the enemy had to be destroyed, they were evil. He was afraid of watching the deaths of the people he loved, over and over again. Experiencing this every night, granting him short and restless sleep, making him slowly collapse into himself, to exhausted to fight.

“You know that I’m not”, Kili answered to his question, coming closer to his bed and sat on the edge. “You don’t look much better either. I didn’t mean to wake you up.”

“You didn’t.” - _the nightmares did_ , he ended sad in his mind.

For a few seconds he watched his brother’s face; the way his messy dark hair hide his face and bangs shadowed his eyes and helped hide his expression. The dark stubble had grown dense, leaving no doubts that now Kili was a fully grown ault dwarf. Maybe if not for recent events, Fili would be happy to see him like this. Kili was still very young, they both were, but the look which Fili saw in his eyes, the way they were lacked life and empty, made Kili seem to be much older than he was.

Suddenly Kili turned - his gaze desperately caught Fili’s eyes, didn’t alow him to break it. It felt like the brunet wanted to do this for a long time. His resistense broke, crashing down the barriers, discarding the appearance of calm he wore. His dark eyes changed and became glazed.

One quick move was enough for Kili to catch Fili and hide face in his chest. Moments later, loud cry escaped his throat, his whole body shook in the spasm. Everything what was growing in him destroying him on the inside until that moment, now finally found the way out. Fili let him cry, gentle wrapping his arms around his brother and stroking his hair. He felt his hot breath on his chest and the tears slowly seeping into his tunic. Kili’s strong arms convulsively pressied their warm bodies close, fingers clenching in the fabric as if they wanted to keep Fili like this till the end of the world.

Fili soothingly stroke his head and gently moved the dark strands away from Kili’s forehead so he could press his lips to it. The voice which left his mouht soon after was so quiet only Kili could hear it, and it was only because he was so colse to Fili.

“I’m here. The night brings just the memories. And even if we never forget about them and they will continue to visit us in our nightmares, but without them there won’t be the present. We wouldn’t be ourselves without them. They made us who we are, even if they hurt so much.” Fili didn’t even noticed when his own tears filled his eyes, ran down on his cheeks and disappeared into Kili’s hair.

“You don’t understand”, Kili whispered quietly. “When I wake up in the midde of the night because I saw you die… I don’t know how much longer I can hold on. How many times can I see your death and not go insane!” His voice broke and he again started to cry, clinging to Fili’s chest.

“You think those imagines aren’t haunting me every night? That I’m not watching all our worse nightmares come true? That I’m not dying every night? Dying, because my heart can’t stand the loss? And when I wake up, I barely can believe it wasn’t real. That it was just another bad dream.”

Kili slowly moved away from his brother to look into his eyes. He found only the sadness, hearbraking and frightening. The blue of Fili’s eyes was so cold and sharp as the ice and it hurt hurt to see him drained. But when their eyes met, Kili noticed an almost impercetible change in blond’s gaze as the corners of his lips moved up. Fili raised his hand and he wiped Kili’s tears with his thumb.

“Your closeness, the fact that I can hold you in my arms, this is what allows me see the difference between the nightmare and the reality.”

“So let me hold you. Let me hold you tight.”

Again they united in the hug, weaving their fingers into each other's hair. They felt the warmth of their bodies, heard restless breaths calming down, as the peace slowly started to cover them and recent nightmares escaped into the night. They didn’t need anything else. Their bodies tight pressing each other offered more comfort than any words ever could.

Fili didn’t know how long they stayed like that, so close in the hug, listening to the quiet of the slumbering Mountain. Even their quiet breaths were almost inaudible. Fili knew that nothing in the world could hurt him now. Not when Kili was so close than ever, feeling exactly the same and wanting to share that closeness as bad as Fili.

Finally the brunet moved and he opened his mouth. “Would you mind if I stayed here tonight?”, he whispered, trying not to disturb the soft silence.

“I don’t think I can let you go now. And I don’t think I can let you leave, even if you wanted to.”

“Good.”

Fili felt Kili’s stubble scratching his skin when the brunet smiled.

When they sank into the bedding and soft pillows, still holding tight, Kili frested his chin on brother’s chest for a moment, looking at him with a smile. Fili answered the smile with his own and stroked his hair, placing his arm across brunet’s back.

“Sleep now”, he said, slowly moving his hand over the fabric of Kili’s tunic. “We both need it.”

“Don’t worry. I don’t believe any nightmares will be returning tonight.”

And he was right. They slept safely and the closeness of each other chased all bad dreams away.

**Author's Note:**

> It's my first real fanfic/drabble in English. It's probaly that it won't end on this one chapter.  
> I would like to thanks [Jane](http://archiveofourown.org/users/DrakkHammer/pseuds/DrakkHammer) and [Kelly](http://ceallaig1.tumblr.com/) for nice words and their help, [Linane](http://linane-art.tumblr.com/) for encouragement and patience. You are amazing!
> 
> my tumblr: [hvit-ravn](http://hvit-ravn.tumblr.com/)


End file.
